We all experience dysregulation during different moments of our lives for a multitude of reasons. Dysregulation can feel and look different for all of us; some of us may experience depression-like symptoms, where we may feel numb and apathetic. Others may experience anxiety-like symptoms, where we may feel on edge & have racing thoughts. Some of us might oscillate between these two states, feeling different ways in response to different situations.
Ever wonder why some of us experience dysregulation so differently? Window of tolerance theory tells us why. Window of tolerance theory says that everyone has a, well, window of tolerance in which they can handle uncomfortable feelings while still feeling grounded & comfortable. This is where we might feel some anxiety or distress, but we’re still able to stay engaged, connected and present. When we get pushed out of our window of tolerance, we can either go to one of two states: hyperarousal or hypoarousal.
When I used to work with kids, I would say that hyperarousal is the “land of fire” and hypoarousal is the “land of ice.” Hyperarousal is where we feel really activated in a way that looks like anxiety, panic, fear, and/or anger. This is where our fight or flight responses kick in, and we’re left feeling “on fire” and ungrounded. On the other hand, hypoarousal is where our dysregulation shows up as being shut down, numb, & disconnected. While we are still “activated” in this state, we might not feel as much since this is where our freeze or fawning responses take over.
While the symptoms of each state may look similar to one another, everyone’s window of tolerance is different. Some people may have a wider window of tolerance, whereas some people may not have been able to broaden their window yet. Our genetics, or wellness habits, our stories & stressful periods of life can all impact our window of tolerance & ability to access feeling regulated. For instance, individuals with a history of trauma, who are experiencing grief, or who are in times of transition may have a smaller window of tolerance where they experience distress more often than others who are not experiencing these circumstances. This is our nervous system’s way of trying to protect us & keep us prepared for threats in order to stay safe.
The wonderful thing about our nervous systems, brains & bodies is that they can change based on experience. Similar to working out a muscle in the gym, window of tolerance theory shows us that the more we “flex” our “regulation muscle,” the more we can teach our nervous systems that we are safe. Over time, our window of tolerance will widen & our capacities to experience distressing emotions will increase. That said, there still may be circumstances when we feel out of our window and that is entirely natural; a part of being human.

Curious about what coping skills to try out? See below!
Hyperarousal:
- Deep breathing exercises
- Physiological sigh: try inhaling twice & taking a long exhalation.
- Square breathing: breath in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds & repeat as needed.
- 4-7-8: breath in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds & repeat as needed.
- Self-holds
- Try crossing your arms and hugging your torso for a few moments.
- Place your hands over your ears & gently squeeze your head.
- Place one hand on your forehead & one hand on the back of your head & gently press.
- Move through the feelings
- Try “shaking it off” or shaking different parts of your body to release trapped energy.
- Notice the parts of your body that are holding tension & stretch those areas.
- Try crossing both hands of your chest & gently tap each hand in an alternating rhythm for a bilateral butterfly hug.
Hypoarousal:
- Engage your senses
- Eating something spicy or sour.
- Smelling a candle or essential oils.
- Playing with temperature, such as taking a hot shower or holding an ice cube.
- Ground with the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can feel
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
- Engage your body
- Quickly move your body & get your heart rate up for 10-20 seconds (such as through running in place, jumping jacks, etc. ).
- Go on a walk (preferably outside to get your senses extra engaged!).
- Do your favorite form of exercise.
If you would like to begin or continue widening your window of tolerance, therapy can be a great tool for doing so. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re curious about the next steps!