On feelings, the stories we tell ourselves, and learning to tell the difference I’ve noticed how quickly we can turn a feeling into a conclusion about our lives. We have a difficult conversation with our partner and begin wondering whether something is fundamentally...
I’ve sat with adult children whose bodies tighten before they see a parent. They describe being criticized or having parts of themselves dismissed. Some say distance is the first relief they’ve felt in years. I’ve also sat with parents who say the cutoff came...
A lot of people walk into my office already bracing for the shovel. They’ve decided therapy means digging up their childhood, and they want to get it over with. Sometimes we do dig, just usually not right away. I’ve started explaining it as archaeology and...
When one of my clients first came to therapy, she believed there were certain triggers she would never get past. Her anxiety sometimes made her vomit. She had flashbacks and carried a tremendous amount of shame, both about what had happened to her and about the way...
I am usually the person who remembers the appointments and the details of what needs to be done at home. I notice when we are almost out of toothpaste or garbage bags. None of these things is difficult on its own. It is the accumulation of them and the fact that they...
Most of us have patterns we know pretty well. We overthink, avoid conflict, try to keep everyone happy, shut down when we are hurt, procrastinate or feel like we need to control what happens next. We may even understand where some of these patterns came from. The...
