Many of us move through life with a loud inner critic that speaks to us in ways we would never speak to someone else. This critical, harsh, and oftentimes loud, voice can make already difficult situations much more challenging. Imagine reaching out to a friend during a painful time and them saying to you, “Why are you so upset? What’s wrong with you? You are such a burden” – that wouldn’t be very helpful or comforting, right? Many of us could never imagine saying something like this to someone else, yet, are quick to talk to ourselves in this way. Being gentle with ourselves is a way to interrupt this pattern of negative self-talk.
What does being gentle with yourself look like?
Being gentle with yourself looks like treating yourself like you would a close friend. It looks like listening to your body, being mindful of how you speak to yourself, and prioritizing your needs so you can continue to show up in the areas of your life that really matter to you.
Here are some simple ways to practice being gentle with yourself:
- Shifting your self-talk
- Instead of asking, “what’s wrong with me?” Try, “what do I need right now?” When your inner critic becomes activated, it’s especially important to slow down and speak to yourself encouragingly and intentionally.
- Listen to your body
- Have you ever heard the quote, “If you don’t take a break, your body will take one for you.” It’s true! This is oftentimes while times of stress result in getting sick and/or overly fatigued. Listening to & honoring your body’s “No’s” and “Yes’s” is crucial in being gentle with yourself.
- Embrace imperfection
- Perfection doesn’t really exist, and oftentimes, seeking perfection is a self-protective behaviour to keep us from feeling discomfort or pain. Yet, the process of seeking perfection typically results in feeling discomfort or pain anyway. It may feel uncomfortable to let things be “good enough,” but it will save you time, energy, and reduce stress (while also building your psychological flexibility & resiliency).
- Engage in micro self-care
- If you can’t find extended periods of time to engage in rest, can you try and find 5-10 minutes? It may sound like nothing, but to your nervous system, 10 minutes of rest, deep breathing, and a break from stress communicates safety to the body. It definitely can’t hurt anything to build in more breaks, so why not give it a try?!
The goal is not to become perfect at being gentle with yourself; it’s a practice to help you develop a deeper connection with yourself and to make the hard aspects of life a bit softer. As Lou Holtz said, “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it is the way you carry it.”